Today I have the pleasure of hosting my sister, Rachel, so that she can talk about her experiences with anxiety. Enjoy her post and be sure to follow her twitter!
Hi, my name is Rachel and I have undiagnosed mental illness. Now, I know what some of you are thinking. How can you be sure if it’s undiagnosed? You can’t call yourself a member of the mental illness community unless you have a doctor tell you that you do indeed have a mental illness. For years I thought this same thing. For a while, I didn’t even know what mental illness was or that I had you. But one night I sat down to watch Iron Man 3 with my family. I was in the middle of a mad anxiety attack but didn’t realize it. One of the things I do when I have anxiety is I play with my hair. My mom noticed and asked if I was okay but I didn’t know what to tell her.I didn’t know how to say “I feel terrible but have no idea why,” so I told her I was fine. Half way through the movie, Tony Stark starts having anxiety/panic attacks. I immediately recognized it as the same thing that I was going through. That’s when I realized that I had anxiety. I’ve never considered it to be an anxiety disorder but I do suffer from bouts of anxiety and attacks throughout my daily life. Some days it’s nearly non existent and I wonder if I can still consider myself to have a mental illness. But on the days it’s bad there is no doubt in my mind that I belong in that community of people whose minds and bodies rebel against them.
After that revelation, I began to research and pay attention to the world around me. I realized that so many people suffer from mental illness every day and I didn’t even know it. Some of my best friends dealt with it on a daily basis. Until recently, I just survived with it. A few months ago I started a new diet to try and target the cause of some of my anxiety. It’s been helping. I don’t think I will ever be free of the anxiety but I don’t have to worry about my heart rate increasing or my head going fuzzy or panic filling my chest. At least not often. I’ve also started reading books with characters that suffer from anxiety and other mental illnesses and I started with Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. I’m a big fantasy reader so this wasn’t my normal genre but I gave it a try per my sister’s recommendation. Every page was like looking at a mirror. Cath, the main character, dealt with all the fears and anxieties that I did when I was in college and dating. Rainbow Rowell paints an amazingly realistic picture of what it’s like entering a new situation, moving away from home and dealing with making friends as a person living with anxiety.
My next stop was another book that my sister has been begging me to read. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo. I was very hesitant on starting this because again, it didn’t really seem like the type of books I read typically. But with much poking and begging she managed to get me to start it. When I first started reading I was still hesitant. I didn’t really connect with the characters at first and I wasn’t sure about the plot. But after realizing that (Spoilers) Inej had anxiety/PTSD and Kaz also had PTSD I was hooked. I’ve always had a passion for helping those who had been victims of human trafficking so Inej’s story hooked me instantly. Reading about her walking past the Menagerie and her fear even after she was no longer a part of it was so heartbreaking and reminded me of the girls that have to deal with the same things in their own lives. Whether it’s an abuser that they still see in their everyday lives or a place that was ruined for them because of the horror they went through. For some it’s even their own bodies are the trigger for their anxiety. I can’t wait to read Crooked Kingdom. These books have definitely moved to the top of my favorites list.
I still have a couple of books that I’m hoping to read as well. Top on my list is Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli. After seeing the movie Love, Simon I’ve been planning to read all of her books. But this one in particular I can’t wait to read.
On another note. With the seasons changing and winter fast approaching I am dreading the long, cold winter ahead. About a year ago I was introduced to something called SAD, or Seasonal Affective Disorder. Basically during certain seasons your body goes into a depression. I’ve noticed that, while I may not necessarily have this disorder I definitely suffer from seasonal depression. This winter I’m going to try and do as much as I can to prevent myself from sliding too far into it. One of my main goals is to read as much as I can. Traveling to other places in books and ignoring the cold is always a sure way to make myself feel better. Making sure I maintain my diet is also important. And of course nice hot cups of tea and coffee along with baking for as many people as possible, including myself.
You can follow Rachel on twitter here!
I still have a couple of books that I’m hoping to read as well. Top on my list is Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli. After seeing the movie Love, Simon I’ve been planning to read all of her books. But this one in particular I can’t wait to read.
On another note. With the seasons changing and winter fast approaching I am dreading the long, cold winter ahead. About a year ago I was introduced to something called SAD, or Seasonal Affective Disorder. Basically during certain seasons your body goes into a depression. I’ve noticed that, while I may not necessarily have this disorder I definitely suffer from seasonal depression. This winter I’m going to try and do as much as I can to prevent myself from sliding too far into it. One of my main goals is to read as much as I can. Traveling to other places in books and ignoring the cold is always a sure way to make myself feel better. Making sure I maintain my diet is also important. And of course nice hot cups of tea and coffee along with baking for as many people as possible, including myself.
You can follow Rachel on twitter here!
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