Growing up, the best holidays were my birthday, Christmas, New Year's Eve, and Valentine's Day in that order. No matter how much mac & cheese I ate on Thanksgiving and Easter or how many parades I went to on the Fourth of July, nothing else could top those four. Once I got older, it didn't take long to realize that my generation is pretty black and white on the issue of Valentine's day. If you're dating, it's great. If you're single, it's the worst. If you're single and a-spec, it's worse than the worst. There are exceptions to those rules, but the majority of the people I know and see on the internet align pretty heavily to one of those categories
I am a-spec and I have no romantic partner. In fact, I've never had a romantic partner in my life. Maybe it's the lack of ever having had the "traditional, romantic Valentine's Day experience" that makes me say this, but I can't understand where all the bitterness toward the holiday comes from. Admittedly, I can see how it would be a huge bummer for someone who wants to be dating on Valentine's Day but doesn't have a partner. That could seriously suck. But I think most of the hatred of Valentine's Day comes from narrow interpretations of what the day can stand for.
Let me tell you a little bit about how I grew up. I was homeschooled in a family that was very close and very loving. Every year, when Valentine's Day fell on a school day, my mom would plan fun activities for my sister and I that were both educational and celebratory. We would plot points along a graph to spell a secret message of love, play multiplication bingo with candy hearts, and do all of our work at the table decorated with heart-covered tablecloths, bright centerpieces, and balloons. In high school, I made homemade chocolates for my friends and teachers every year. Even in college I loved Valentine's Day. My sister once visited and we made paper heart decorations for my Christmas tree that I hadn't taken down yet. Every year I started spending it with my best friend and roommate. Sophomore year I made them heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast, we dressed in our cutest pink outfits, and they bought me the pinkest teddy bear I had ever seen. Junior year I decorated our dorm room and we went to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner. I have never felt like I was missing out on a thing by not having a romantic partner.
Some people talk about reclaiming Valentine's Day. They celebrate Galentine's Day or Singles Awareness Day. Some people would rather just call Valentine's Day a consumerist holiday that deserves to be boycotted. For me though, the holiday doesn't need to be reinvented or canceled. It is already about love for everyone. If it was only a romantic holiday, no one would sell boxes of 24 Valentines to give to your closest friends. There wouldn't be giant bags of candy that are big enough to share with a classroom of 50 people. Sure, those are still capitalist opportunities, but I think it reveals the fact that Valentine's Day isn't just about the romance. It was never meant to be. The only reason the romance themes are the loudest is because single people prefer to boycott or disown the holiday instead of leveraging it.
Many people did not have the advantage of growing up being shown familial and platonic love on Valentine's Day. I don't want to imply that it isn't hard growing up in a romance-driven world when you are single, either by choice or by circumstance. We are constantly shamed, questioned, and pitied be those in happy (and even unhappy) couples. Despite this, I fully believe that embracing the parts of Valentine's Day that are for everyone can bring so much joy, both for us and the people we share our love with.
My challenge for everyone today is to find a moment to share love with someone you are not romantically attached to. Text a friend a cute e-Valentine to let them know you are thinking about them. Buy some flowers for a parental figure in your life. Send an email to someone who has helped you professionally and let them know how much it meant to you. Thank your followers for all of their support in the past year. Even if you are in a romantic relationship, I think you should try this. Make sure your friends know that your partner is not the only person in your life who matters to you today.
It's okay to feel sad, frustrated, angry, or disappointed today. Society is sending us negative messages that we are constantly trying to fight and that battle is long and hard. It's okay if you need to step back today and take care of yourself. Self-love is so important too! My hope is just that everyone feels a little bit more in control about how they feel about and celebrate Valentine's Day both this year and every year to come.
Let me tell you a little bit about how I grew up. I was homeschooled in a family that was very close and very loving. Every year, when Valentine's Day fell on a school day, my mom would plan fun activities for my sister and I that were both educational and celebratory. We would plot points along a graph to spell a secret message of love, play multiplication bingo with candy hearts, and do all of our work at the table decorated with heart-covered tablecloths, bright centerpieces, and balloons. In high school, I made homemade chocolates for my friends and teachers every year. Even in college I loved Valentine's Day. My sister once visited and we made paper heart decorations for my Christmas tree that I hadn't taken down yet. Every year I started spending it with my best friend and roommate. Sophomore year I made them heart-shaped pancakes for breakfast, we dressed in our cutest pink outfits, and they bought me the pinkest teddy bear I had ever seen. Junior year I decorated our dorm room and we went to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner. I have never felt like I was missing out on a thing by not having a romantic partner.
Some people talk about reclaiming Valentine's Day. They celebrate Galentine's Day or Singles Awareness Day. Some people would rather just call Valentine's Day a consumerist holiday that deserves to be boycotted. For me though, the holiday doesn't need to be reinvented or canceled. It is already about love for everyone. If it was only a romantic holiday, no one would sell boxes of 24 Valentines to give to your closest friends. There wouldn't be giant bags of candy that are big enough to share with a classroom of 50 people. Sure, those are still capitalist opportunities, but I think it reveals the fact that Valentine's Day isn't just about the romance. It was never meant to be. The only reason the romance themes are the loudest is because single people prefer to boycott or disown the holiday instead of leveraging it.
Many people did not have the advantage of growing up being shown familial and platonic love on Valentine's Day. I don't want to imply that it isn't hard growing up in a romance-driven world when you are single, either by choice or by circumstance. We are constantly shamed, questioned, and pitied be those in happy (and even unhappy) couples. Despite this, I fully believe that embracing the parts of Valentine's Day that are for everyone can bring so much joy, both for us and the people we share our love with.
My challenge for everyone today is to find a moment to share love with someone you are not romantically attached to. Text a friend a cute e-Valentine to let them know you are thinking about them. Buy some flowers for a parental figure in your life. Send an email to someone who has helped you professionally and let them know how much it meant to you. Thank your followers for all of their support in the past year. Even if you are in a romantic relationship, I think you should try this. Make sure your friends know that your partner is not the only person in your life who matters to you today.
It's okay to feel sad, frustrated, angry, or disappointed today. Society is sending us negative messages that we are constantly trying to fight and that battle is long and hard. It's okay if you need to step back today and take care of yourself. Self-love is so important too! My hope is just that everyone feels a little bit more in control about how they feel about and celebrate Valentine's Day both this year and every year to come.